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Happy Tuesday, everybody. Yeah. Shut up over there. Take him out. Get rid of him. So it’s happening. What the Democrats and media once called evil is now getting a facelift. And I’m not talking about this. No, what I’m saying is what they demonized before becomes less satanic as they shift to a new, far more evil target. No, not him either. You know, you guys always assume I’m talking about him. He is evil.
But you remember Donald Trump, right? Big orange guy with crazy hair. Funny as hell. And got more done before 9 a.m. than Biden did all day. He was Hitler, Mussolini and uncooked chicken all rolled into one. He was the worst thing that ever lived, and that includes whoever invented ‘The View.’ But is he really that bad now that the despicably evil Ron DeSantis came to town? This monster flew illegal immigrants to a rich paradise on private jets. I know, what an *******. So now DeSantis makes Trump look like Mr. Belvedere.
Says The New York Times, quote, ‘DeSantis may be a more competent Trump in terms of his ability to use the levers of state to amass power. But he’s also meaner and more rigid without the soft edges in eccentricity – I hate that word – of the actual Donald Trump.’
Wait. So he’s so mean that half this country’s population is moving to his damn state? But the shift from Don to Ron was fast. I mean, it was just last week that the left was accusing Trump of selling nuclear secrets with no proof whatsoever. And despite being a billionaire. So now he’s loose and cuddly. Trump is no longer certifiably insane? Now he’s eccentric, like your lovable, adorable, rich uncle who wears a pirate hat to bed. Trump now has soft edges, like he’s a pan of fresh baked brownies. You know what? Maybe Trumpy Bear was right.
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Yeah, everybody laughed at that. But now The Times finally caught on. Trump’s so cute, you want to squeeze him. And not by the throat or his balls anymore. But you get it, right? The media never really believes their political adversaries are evil. It’s just how they destroy reputations before moving on. It’s like their version of a drive-by shooting only instead of using guns and bullets to assassinate, they use words and lies. The ends justify the means, even if it tears the country apart and puts half of CNN on unemployment.
And no matter who is Hitler on any given day, someone will come along to replace him. And they’re counting on you having amnesia about that. Just like the guy they put in the White House. Remember, when Trump was running, you know, who suddenly became a congenial, more acceptable Republican? Mitt Romney. He became the outspoken statesman who had the guts to criticize Trump. You know, because the enemy of liberals’ enemy is their friend. You know, it’s the only way Keith Olbermann can make friends.
Yet remember, when Mitt was running for president, he was a Batman villain with an MBA who amassed millions by wrecking companies. He was their Penguin without the infectious laugh. The media did a huge exposé on how he was accused of attacking a classmate and cut off the male student’s hair. I didn’t know he went to school with Trey Gowdy. He was accused of strapping his sick dog to the roof of his car. The same thing Kat’s husband does to her. But for different reasons. Aww, well, they feel bad about that. And of course, there was this. Joe calling him a slave owner.
JOE BIDEN: He’s going to let the big banks once again, write their own rules. Unchain Wall Street. They’re going to put you all back in chains.
You see. Joe was ******* nuts even back then when he still had some of his marbles. Of course, while they demonized Mitt, they also said the guys that came before him weren’t as bad as they had said they were before John McCain, who they called a warmongering racist. Now, a centrist, thoughtful Republican. George W Bush, who was also compared to Hitler, now seems more mainstream. Hell, according to the media, he and Michelle Obama became BFFs. He started a war based on a lie. But since he doesn’t like Trump, all the media talks about are his paintings.
So, like Joe’s depends, what the Dems call evil never really changes. I know. I didn’t like it when I was reading it. But I have to meet my quota of poop jokes. It’s just the latest Republican with serious potential to beat Democrats. Now it’s DeSantis’s turn because he scares them. Because nothing scares the Left like competency, probably because they’ve never experienced it themselves.
So they pull out all the standard phrases. ‘He looks a lot like a bully and willing to play games with people’s lives for the sake of his own ego and advancement.’ Yeah, they lied about him fudging COVID stats, starting his own fascist police force and now kidnaping illegal immigrants. Sorry, you big babies. He’s not a bully when he punches back. But they did this with everyone. Like Wolf Blitzer, they’ve ******* been around forever. It’s more proof that this partisan media needs a strong laxative. And now The Times sounds like us. Check out this. ‘What’s more, Trump has the skills of a celebrity. He’s funny. He has stage presence. And he has a kind of natural charisma. He can persuade an audience that he’s just kidding. That he doesn’t actually mean it.’.
Wow, that’s nice. Finally, they describe Trump the way I describe myself. But we knew about this years ago. I guess the media missed all of that affability being too busy building a cabal, conjuring up Russian collusion, and pushing the ‘very fine people’ hoax. They were too busy trying to destroy the guy to see that he actually wasn’t the guy they were destroying.
Of course, when you’re no longer a threat, the Dems compliment you. But when you’re a Republican and the Times calls you respectful and fun. You know, that’s like Paul McCartney being called by Charlie Manson , ‘Awesome. And I dig your music.’ And you really screwed up if they say you should run for President. But maybe the media and the Democrats should think twice before they decide that you’re not such a bad person after all. Remember, it’s the same group that lets out murderers.
Greg Gutfeld currently serves as host of FOX News Channel’s (FNC) “Gutfeld!” (weekdays 11PM/ET) and co-host of “The Five” (weekdays 5PM/ET). He joined the network in 2007 as a contributor. He is the author of several books. His latest is “The Plus: Self-Help for People Who Hate Self-Help.” Click here for more information on Greg Gutfeld.